Ambient Design Now Belongs to the Mice
We would like to inform our faithful community of ArtRage artists that there has been a change in management at Ambient Design and the software ‘ArtRage’ is being discontinued. From now on, it will be replaced with the program ‘MouseDraw’, a much better painting program that more accurately reflects everyone’s desire for a cat free society and more cheese.
We have risen up against the careless mismanagement of the Ambient Design company and have taken Tycho (the feline mascot of ArtRage) hostage until our demands are met.
We will be updating the website and changing products as soon as we have managed to get the previous management to fully cooperate. Currently they are hiding behind locked doors and shouting about poison and traps, and are clearly not in their right minds. Fear not, loyal community, we shall soon explain the error of their ways to them. And then MouseDraw will live, at last! The greatest art program that ever existed and all shall know that mice are better than cats!
We inform ArtRage users that Tycho is in our custody and forthwith issue our demands.
We’re giving the Ambient Design company two days to dismantle the entire apparatus of ArtRage and hand it over to us, and if they don’t agree immediately we will refuse to feed Tycho.
We would also like it known that we shall not submit to blackmail.
Aside from the immediate and complete handover of the company and a total overhaul of the software, we also have the following demands:
- No casual snacking on employees by Tycho
- Bell must be worn at all times by all non-mouse employees
- Diversity statements on the website advocating fairness and opportunities for mice
- More mice in higher management positions
- Stop sleeping through meetings
- We would also like to be paid for our work in mouse sized coins
- Official mouse translators should be hired for communications with the public
- Exercise wheels every 20 inches
- Offices made out of sturdier cardboard boxes with real carpets, not newspaper
- Healthier snacks and a varied diet – mice need more than cheese
- We also request a can opener as we are having trouble getting the catfood tins open
The “MouseDraw” Software!
Some intended changes that we think will improve “ArtRage”, henceforth known as “MouseDraw”, a great deal:
- Start charging for individual colours
- Make everyone use a mouse instead of a drawing tablet
- Stop paying taxes. Nobody is going to audit a bunch of mice.
- Consider creating a mouse version of Clippy from Microsoft and including it in the software
- Make hardware companies make devices like the iPad Pros and Cintiqs smaller so they are less tiring to walk across
- Implement more realistic features like paper tearing, un-erasable smudges, no undo button, and permanently running out of paint.
- Put all the tools and menus in a giant box on one half of the page so mice don’t have to run across the entire canvas to change things
- Make everything cheese themed
- Include GNU Terry Pratchett in the code
- Change all the Tycho easter eggs in the software to mice
- Implement mouse-themed features, such as chewed pencils, mouse droppings in the paint and shredded paper.
- Add an educational pop up describing the harm cats can do to the local environment and suggesting that the artist consider mice instead whenever someone tries to draw a cat in ArtRage (MouseDraw)
We have support from several notable celebrities, who spoke up in support of our actions when we reached out to them. We’re not entirely sure what some of their quotes meant, but they sounded like they approved of our fight to strike a blow for mousekind.
In their own words…
Little high, little low!
- Stuart Little
- Discworld Death of Rats
- Danger Mouse
“Once upon a time,”
Twinkle twinkle, little bat / How I wonder what you’re at? / Up above the world you fly / Like a tea tray in the sky.
- The Dormouse
That’s all, folks!
- Mickey Mouse